


How to Disappear Completely

by cheshireArcher



Category: Richard II - Shakespeare
Genre: Aumerle has a breakdown essentially, Disassociation, Gen, Psychological Trauma, RSC compliant, baby boy's a fucked up mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-08-14 15:42:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8019673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheshireArcher/pseuds/cheshireArcher
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Edward isn't here and it isn't happening. Takes place some time after the end of Richard II.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Disappear Completely

Aumerle doesn’t know where he is.

He doesn’t know who he is.

His mind is at once racing and slowed to a stop. He’s done something, something bad- or, he’s about to.

_Aumerle. York. Rutland. Norwich. Edward._  

_ Ed. _

 “I’m not here,” he mumbles, his voice far off. “This isn’t happening.” He wants to go home but he isn’t sure where that is. He’s not sure of anything anymore, it’s like his soul is out of his body. He knows he’s alive, he knows he’s somewhere, but beyond that it isn’t clear. His mind has shut down. This must be like what Richard was experiencing- losing sight of who he was and having nothing to cling to except for Aumerle.

Why does he keep calling himself Aumerle? He’s Rutland now. No longer Aumerle, no longer the King’s dear companion who was the only one who saw the King at his most human and vulnerable, no longer the sobbing wreck that the King tried to calm, first with misguided words and then with a kiss and a truly loving embrace. He wants Richard now- not the King, but Richard.

Edward just stares at the wall. He remains shut down, feeling nothing except the numbness, the soul outside of him, and fear. He doesn’t know what’s happening. He doesn’t know anything any more.

“Rutland?”

A voice sounds from far away and Edward- that’s his name- can’t force himself to search for the source. He’s not sure he can move and he’s not sure he wants to.

“Rutland, it’s me, Percy.” The voice comes closer and someone kneels down in front of Edward. “Wha-what’s w-wrong?”

Edward can’t answer, he just stares at Percy- he wants to answer, to cry, scream, tell him what’s happening but he can’t get it out.

“The King wa-wants t’ speak t’ you,” Percy says. “You’ve been in here all day an’ King Henry’s concerned.”

“Why?” Edward finally croaks.

“He says he understands,” Percy says. “An’ he says he w-won’t hurt you. He knows wh-why you did it.”

Now Edward knows.

Percy senses that there’s nothing more he can do. The knight pats Edward on the shoulder and rises and finally leaves him alone.

Edward knows exactly what he’s done and he knows why he’s in this empty world where his soul has left him and he doesn’t quite know he’s real- Percy’s short visit sent him back to reality only for a minute.

He destroyed someone he loved.

He has destroyed his world. 


End file.
